I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
