He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
When are your genitals available?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
