did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
