We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
