My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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