the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize