i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
