just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize