i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
