so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
