stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
