remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
