Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
