I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
