If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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