I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
