I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize