the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
