He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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