thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
BRING THE BAGELS
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
