Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
