Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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