as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
