the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
