I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
