If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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