I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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