I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
