He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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