wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
