god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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