it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
