it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
