You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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