..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
