The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
