first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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