I like to think it a success when the cops are called
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
