fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
