What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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