ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Life is so much better after having sex.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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