He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
