Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
this is an emotional support booty call
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
