Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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