Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
