Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
