right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
