I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She said her name was "party"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
