Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
