Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
