found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
