I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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