Fuck appropriateness.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
