dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
