Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Randomize
