She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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