What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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