You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i think my cat just said my name.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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