I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
