I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
