we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
