It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
