Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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