I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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