I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
