I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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