I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
