also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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