I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
