in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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