I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize