at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
