i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
