I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
