A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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