I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
