I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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