1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
