did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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