Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
