I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
