have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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