well you can't waste a boner
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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