I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
