Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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