the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
