She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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