I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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