you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize