Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
