I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
