We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
