Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
