Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
