we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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