So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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