You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
