can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
