I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
